A new Monday

For the past couple of weeks Monday's have been rough. Mondays have always been procedure or surgery day. Today though we are breaking the mold. 

Today is breathing day! 

I can't even tell you how happy I am at this very moment, but I wanted to share it with all of you. 

Yesterday the vent tube was removed, and we went on a machine that through a little nose mask provided pressure to Knox's lungs. It was a stressful afternoon for all of us, but Knox is amazing and did well. 

Today though Knox is receiving a small amount of assistance through a nose tube but breathing on his own! He looks so happy and content now. My heart is filled with joy and relief (for now). He is such an amazing little man and I am so blessed that God lets me be his mommy. 

We also have began to use a pacifier. Gonna admit not my favorite moment but he is sucking on it which gives good hope for feeding through the mouth when we begin to work on that. 

The sun is shining bright today and Knox is breathing on his own. It's a beautiful day.  

CPAP day

As we sit here in our room today, the floor is quite because it's the weekend. The cafeteria was deserted. We tried a new place for lunch down the "blue path" today and we didn't see hardly any people. Did we mention we love the weekends? 

Before you can get off the vent you (as in the patient) must go through something they call CPAP tests. It's basically where Knox is doing all the breathing on his own but some pressure that is put off by the vent. The pressure is because since he still has a tube in his mouth it's like trying to breath through a straw. They do this test for an hour every 4 hours to see how he tolerates it. There are lots of things they check for and watch during that time. Knox? He passed with flying colors. So they will continue to do those until tomorrow morning, and if they all go well then hopefully by tomorrow it will be goodbye tube. Then we will get to hear our little man cry and make noise! Hallelujah! 

The wonderful thing was during his test he was wide awake the whole time! Which meant lots of great time to visit and talk. :) 

Please continue to say a little prayer for Knox and that the next 24 hours goes smoothly. We also hope that you can say a prayer for a dear friend of ours that had their twins at 26 weeks yesterday. We know how scary it is, and that prayers sure do work! 

Have a wonderful Saturday! 

3 weeks

Today is Knox's 3 week birthday! I can't believe it has been 3 weeks since this little man came into our life. Though it has been a rough and bumpy road with highs and lows; I can't imagine waiting till our due date to meet him! 

We had a wonderful first in knox's life this morning. We had our first tummy time! Here at the hospital they call it "prone" which is to help get the awful flem and junk out of his throat and lungs that you and I can cough up. Laying on the stomach helps break it up, but we chose to call it tummy time. Knox loved it. He was very chill and slept the whole four hours. His 3 week picture was taken on his belly. 

The doctors are still working on weaning down the vent. They have been happy with progress, but just don't want to do too much at one time. 

We are hoping for lots more good reports over the weekend! Continue to pray for lots more positive reports! 

The beginning of progress

We are now 3 days out of our heart surgery, 2 days from a follow up heart cath to the surgery, and yesterday we had an MRI. It has been a long, busy, and stressful week, but now all those things are behind us. 

First off, I would like to thank everyone for the encouraging words and thoughts after by previous blog post. It all really meant a lot to me. One of the things I have found so amazing during this is how  many people that come out and share with you the struggles their family or their kids have had. It makes you feel not so alone in this scary world of hospital walls and medical lingo. 

On a happier note, we are on the road to recovery from this first round of procedures and surgery. Today they are working on weaning off the vent, and they just started breast milk again through his feeding tube in his noise. Yay! Both of those are great positives and much appreciated after the last couple weeks. Please continue to pray for good progress! 

We also get to go back to a private room today instead of the post- op surgical bay we have been in. So if you are one of the people that like to send cards through the Nationwide Children's website I will let you know later today what our new room number will be. 

Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers. Knox greatly appreciates them! He says he loves all of you! 

Just one of those days

This was wrote on Tuesday, March 25th.


Unfortunately, at hospitals there are bad days.

Unfortunately, we struggle.

Unfortunately, at times it is really hard.

Today was one of those days.

Let me just go ahead and apologize for not having a happy and sunny blog post today. This might be emotional to read. But like I said in my first post, this blog is also my release for days that it is hard.

Yesterday was such a positive day. Knox did great through surgery, and though it is not a permanent fix to our problem it gives us time to grow, get bigger, stronger, and have the opportunity to go home. He did great when he came back to the ICU, and recovered nicely.

Today we had to go back to the Heart Cath lab for another procedure that is needed to aid with yesterday's surgery. Knox did good through the procedure, but didn't jump back to his normal self after the procedure.

And today I struggled through it.  Some days the stress just gets to hard to handle. And to deal with it - I get upset. I cry. I shutdown.

I am dealing with some personal health problems after my c-section. My child is hurting. I want to hold him and make him feel better, and I can't. With everything that went on today I maybe had 5 minutes alone with Knox. Just time to sit, talk to him, and be with him.

Of course, the nurses don't want him to be in pain, but it makes me upset when they sedate him. Knox opens his eyes and starts to squirm. We get excited. We want to talk to him and look at his eyes. When this happens they want to sedate him. I hate it. I want him to be able to be a baby. I want to look at his little face with his eyes open. I want to see his legs kick. I understand their reasoning, but as a mom who has admired her 18 day old son sitting beside his bed, those little movements make my heart so happy.

I know we are in a time of recovery with Knox, and that is so positive. We are hoping to work on getting off the vent this week, starting feeds back up, and getting off meds. So there are positives going on, but some days its just hard to wrap your head around everything. And sometimes the smallest things just makes everything boil over.

Surgery Update

Good Morning Knox Fans! 

We just heard from the surgeon. Knox did great and the surgery went exactly like planned. Now we work on eating, breathing on our own, and trying to get home soon! Thanks for all the prayers. We will get to see him in the next hour. 

Weekend Love

The weekends at the hospital are always nice. It's quiet. There isn't all the hustle and bustle of the weekday, and there isn't as many people coming in and out if your room. BUT my favorite thing about the weekend is all the extra snuggle time we get to have with Knox. 

We also had visitors! Knox got to meet his Auntie Salena and Uncle Louie! Though they were here the day we delivered they didn't get to see Knox so though a weeks late, Salena got to read him his story, "On the Night You Were Born." 

Today we are just taking the opportunity to hang out before tomorrow's surgery. Please send lots of thoughts, prayers, and good vibes our way over the next 24 hours. 

2 weeks

Today Knox is 2 weeks old! I can't believe it, and I can't believe I have been a mommy for two weeks. Even if we have spent that time in a hospital, and only held him 5 times; I think it's safe to say Drew and I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

With today's milestone, we are also moving toward the future today. Knox will have heart surgery on Monday to begin our road to getting better. So you ask, " I thought he already had surgery?" Sort of. We have had procedures, but they were not able to fix our issues. Drew and I feel confident in the doctor's (because they invented it) ability, and where and what this will set us up for the future. So all you awesome prayer warriors who have been supporting our little guy, please continue to do so over the weekend and into Monday. 

Throughout this week I have had a real issue wrapping my head around surgery even though I knew all along this day would come (and will come again in the future). I have struggled emotionally, and have been exhausted from the tears. I mean it my child and the last thing I want is for him to have to go through surgery or hurt, but I know this is what is best for him and his heart. Both of which I love so much. 

The Knox Report

2 weeks old 

Eating milkshakes again (breast milk) 

Toots a lot 

Told today I look like my doo- da 

Love is in Columbus

Though my blog is called "From Paris with Love," these days all my love is in Columbus, Ohio. As many of you know after some complications with my pregnancy and some special issues with our little one we were sent here to deliver and for baby to receive care. 

Love is a wonderful thing because on March 7th I was blessed to feel the most amazing type of love and that was to become a mommy. Our little bundle of joy Knox was born. 

And not long after that I experienced one of the most difficult things as they swept Knox and Drew off to Children's hospital, and left me to recover at the hospital I delivered at. You talk about a difficult day, but the next day we were reunited when my wonderful doctors and nurses let me have a leave to go officially meet my son. 

Many that know we know that I enjoy writing, and though it is sometimes hard to read its one of the best ways to express what you are feeling or thinking without having to actually talk about it. And right now that is the best for me. I apologize to those who have text or called in the past two weeks to get no answer. But please understand it's hard and we are taking it day by day. I should have taken to the blog earlier, but again - it's just hard. 

So this will be my virtual journal of the new Hatmaker family of three, and our struggles as we work to make little Knox better so we can bring him home. Some days if I'm having a bad day this blog might be hard to read, but I hope and pray in the coming days there will be more happiness because that precious little face sure makes my heart fill with happiness and love. 

Please continue to pray for our little family, and know that we appreciate all of you out there for your thoughts and prayers. 

The Knox Report

Today Knox is 13 days old and we get to hold him today. Only the 4 th time since birth, but we savor every chance! Knox has mom's noise and dad's chin, and looks to be our blue eyed boy. I also think  that he might be a lefty.