Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Favorite things

Someone is growing in the Hatmaker house! We are almost tipping the scale over 8 pounds! It's hard to believe! 

Here is one of my favorite things about our growing little guy. He smiles a lot. Mornings are the best to catch a few, but we smile throughout the day. 

Today Knox was awake for most of the day until after lunch. He was cranky, but you could tell he was getting tired. After our 3 o'clock feeding he started to dose off. I went to lay him down beside me on the bed, but he started to cry. So I spent my entire afternoon holding him in our bed while he napped. It was quite wonderful. Drew said he was spoiled , but I said one day he wouldn't want me to hold him like this. So I was taking advantage of it while I can. 

One of thing Knox likes to do is take selfies with his mom! Please ignore my nastiness. Apparently it becomes difficult to find time to showe when you have a baby! 

Only 2 more days to buy your Knox Tshirt from the Booster campaign! We are getting so close to our goal of 150 shirts. Proceeds go to Knox Hatmaker and The Heart Center at Nationwide. 

Thursday, May 15, 2014

What's up with Knox?

I have been lacking on the blog posts because we have been busy at home learning our new routine with Knox. Plus he has a very busy social life at only 2 months old! 

Mothers Day - On Sunday, I was able to celebrate my very first Mother's Day with my two boys, my mom, and some family. I was definitely spoiled for my first Mother's Day by my family especially my two boys. They gave me a beautiful ring with Knox's birthstone.  Knox even ordered my favorite flowers. When I asked how he knew my favorite flower, Drew said that was between Knox and Granny. 

Knox's first sheep sale - Knox enjoyed his first sheep sale in Eaton, Ohio last week. We went up to watch Emily sell a few of her Natural Coloreds. Plus it allowed us to use our stroller for the very first time! I really liked it! I see a lot of walks in our future. Lucy (the lamb in the background) was very curious of Knox's stroller. Knox slept through the entire sale. We enjoyed seeing some friends that have been following Knox's story on here and Facebook.

2 Months Old - On May 7th, Knox turned 2 months old! We met our pediatrician for the first time the next day, and had our 2 month shots. Knox barely cried. Those shots were nothing compared to what he has been through. We've seen the cardiologist twice and the pediatrician once since we've been home. Everyone is happy with his progress and his growth. We are now over 7 pounds!

Meeting Laure - Laure Schadler was my midwife that was caring for Knox and I before we found the heart defect. I had to go in for my check up, and we knew she would love to meet Knox. We hated leaving Laure when they sent us to Columbus. She had taken such good care of us. 

Newborn Photos - Though we were a little late we finally had our newborn photos taken. Knox did awesome for our favorite photographer Kelsey Malicote of Malicote Photography. She took some amazing photos that captured our little cutie pie! I'm in love with them all. 

Shirts for Knox - Last, but certainly not least; my best friend Lauren has organized a fundraiser for Knox. Because I wanted to help others, not just us half of the money will go to The Heart Center. The Heart Center was great to us while we were at Nationwide. If you would like to purchase a t-shirt, you can buy one for $20 here

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Becoming a "mom"

As today is Mother's Day I have been reflecting upon my two months of motherhood.

Throughout your life and definitely throughout your pregnancy you think about how it will be to be a mother.  The moment you find out your pregnant,  hear the heart beat the first time, and meet your child are just a few milestones you long for.

Obviously my path to motherhood hasn't been the regular road like most mothers experience. Well it was until week 29, and then all hell broke lose. Our world was turned upside down. I, then began questioning myself - did I do something wrong, was something my fault, what could I have done differently? Though I knew things weren't my fault I couldn't help but blame myself. When Knox was forced to come early because of my preeclampsia issues, I felt like it was my fault that he was so small and early.

When they delivered Knox and whisked him away to the NICU I barely even got to see him. After a little bit of time they took him to Nationwide Children's Hospital to begin his care for his heart. I was left at my delivery hospital. Drew went with Knox to the children's hospital and our families went to get sleep. My aunt stayed with me, but there I was stuck at the hospital. I had just delivered a baby, but there was no baby in sight. I was a mom, but it sure didn't feel like it. The nurses were ready for me to begin pumping, but at that moment I had no emotional attachment to what had gone on. I just felt alone.

My first day as a mother progressed. Because of the preeclampsia I was confined to bed rest. I was in a rut. I was husband-less, child-less, depressed, and angry. Our families visited Knox at the hospital. Now everyone had seen him, had photos with him, and I hadn't even gotten to hold him. They all talked about him, and all I wanted to do was cry. I was angry at the world. This wasn't how this was suppose to go. This wasn't how every mother dreamed of spending her first day. A mother should be doing kangaroo care, taking pictures of their new family, and welcoming visitors. I didn't feel like a mother.

The following day I was finally allowed to meet Knox for the first time at Nationwide. The wonderful nurse even let me hold him for the first time. I had a son. The three of us were a family.

I won't lie that for the next few days/weeks I continued to struggle. I was scared for what Knox was going through. In my heart I could feel the tug of my heart strings as he had bad days, and had procedures. I knew that I loved that little boy hooked to all the wires and monitors, but I still didn't feel like his mom.

Little moments started happening as Knox progressed that began to pull me out of my hole. I changed his diaper for the first time. I helped with his chest cold care. But the day I got to hold him skin to skin, my world changed. Doctors and nurses asked me questions instead of just telling me things to know. I was a mom. I was Knox's mom.

As I look back now I know that all the worrying I did meant that I WAS a MOM. It just wasn't the typical road women go down to become a mom. I hope that going through all that, and what we will continue to go through in the future will help me be a better, stronger mom for Knox.

So Happy Mother's Day to all your wonderful moms out there. I am blessed to have joined the club and be celebrating my first Mother's Day with my little man.