January 30th.

A year ago today, I was suppose to be in Fort Worth preparing for the Cowtown Classic Sale and celebrating my birthday at Tim Love's Lonesome Dove Bistro. Instead I was doing exactly what the doctor ordered - laying in the bed.

You see January 30, 2014 was my first day of bed rest. We had just returned from Denver and I was having one last baby check up before we headed to Texas. Instead I found myself headed to the Labor & Delivery floor to be admitted for blood pressure monitoring. After spending my first (turns out - of many) nights in the hospital, I was sent home not to travel and not to do anything. Well, we did go out for Mexican and then we came home and sat on the couch.

Birthday night 2014

In hindsight that first day of bed rest was pretty easy to what started spiraling after that first initial hospitalization. But as this 21st birthday (yes I have age issues - get over it) came around this year I couldn't help but reflect on what a different person I am this year than I was last year.

First being that I a mom to a precious -almost 11 month old - heart warrior who is my hero. That precious little boy has changed my life (literally, emotionally, physically, mentally) more than I would have ever thought possible. I have learned a lot about myself, my husband, life, medicine, the city of Columbus, and faith. I am a stronger person than I was a year ago. The person in the picture above would have been in the fetal position (and I was at times) when hard things came my way.  I have a stronger marriage. Not that we didn't have a wonderful marriage before, but going through the past year and having him stick by my side, hold me when I have cried, slept on hospital couches, and became the best daddy has made us both appreciate each other and marriage more.

Though 2014 brought Knox to us, it definitely wasn't my favorite year. It was hard. It was sad. It was nerve wrecking. It was the year that changed me, but I am so glad for that. I know that because of that year, that this year I am able to be a better mother, wife, and person than I was a year ago, and that is worth celebrating.

The Reason

Dr. Cottrill (Knox's cardiologist) told us sometime ago that she writes Knox's name in the prayer book at her church. That book is prayed over several times throughout the week. But it wasn't until our return visit after Knox's second open heart surgery that Dr. Cottrill told me that after our initial meeting back on February 13, 2014 - she prayed for me.  I was a WRECK. They had just confirmed my worse fear that something was wrong with my baby. They were sending us off to another state to have our baby. She told me that she would take care of my baby upon return, but what she didn't say was she was scared too. She said that when she gets scared; she prays. And that day she prayed for me and my baby. 

I think Dr. cottrill is a saint, and like Dr. G I feel like she was placed in our life and Knox's life for a reason. 

One of the only ways you can cope with all this is to believe it all happens for a reason. That we were all suppose to go through this for some reason. 

I have learned that congenital heart defects (CHDs) are like a community. Families need support and sometimes others just don't get what you are going through. After Knox's first surgery I emersed myself in Facebook groups for CHD. I read about others stories, and even found other members of our Nationwide Children's Hospital. It wasn't until October that I finally felt my reason. My best friend Salena told me her preacher and his wife had a newborn who after a pulse ox test was diagnosed with a CHD. I immediately asked for their email and reached out to them. I needed them to know they weren't alone. I felt God leading me to their family and their new little boy. To make a long story short, they saw Dr. Cottrill as well and ended up at Nationwide. He is doing well. 

Just recently the wonderful world of Facebook led me to a blog written by a young lady who was apart of my FFA story. Her pregnancy sounded a lot like mine met with preeclampsia. We messaged back and forth, and I shared my story with her and hopefully words of encouragement. Sometimes I think it's just nice for someone to know all the medical stuff you are going through without having to explain it. Her baby was born at 28 weeks and unfortuntately now they have found a CHD. My heart ached for her as they prepare for surgery tomorrow. 

Where am I going with all this? Like it or not, this is our story. This is my story. And if sharing my experiences, knowledge (or lack there of), and emotions helps someone get through a trying time than it makes it all a bit easier to understand. As we sometimes wander why we are put in situations; I realize now that God has put my family through this experience with Knox so that I can hopefully lend support to other moms finding themselves surrounded by medical talk, doctors, monitors, and hospitals. 

Dr. Cottrill prayed for me. I feel like it's not fitting if I pray for the moms who were scared just like me. 

One Month Post-Op

It is hard to believe that a month ago today we had just endured one of the longest days of our lives. Well, labor was long - all 28 hours of it, but I don't remember much of it so doesn't seem that long to me! 

Instead I speak of the 7 hours of surgery for Knox and the 7 hours of waiting for us. Now it seems like it was so long ago. Maybe I fee like we have put that behind us now, and only look forward. 

Anywho, for those of you who don't know we were released on Christmas Day from the hospital. Though it was a wonderful gift, NEVER try to get released from a hospital on Christmas. Of course, we arrived to family, friends, and neighbors welcoming us. 

Our Christmas was low key, but very good for little Mr. Hatmaker. We did things the day after, but Santa found his way. We have tried to stay at home nestled away from the germs and the flu as Knox continued to heal. 

We have been back to our local cardiologist Dr. Cottrill, who was very happy to see us and very happy with how things went in Columbus. Knox lost some weight from our hospital stay and our recent battle with the stomach flu so we are working on getting our appetite back and gaining some weight. 

With our 10 month birthday behind us now, we are now in full party prep mode! One year old! How can that be? I had a hard time with 10 months. Double digits and growing up. It's been quite the journey thus far. 

This week, mom and dad and all of our friends are enjoying Denver. We are spectating from home, but have been prepping Knox for his National Western time in the future.

I will leave you with this. No statement could be truer, and I am so glad that I get to be his mommy,  

'Twas the Night Before...

Merry Christmas Eve! 

Drew and I are watching for Santa to make his stop at Nationwide Children's Hospital from our large window on the 4th floor. Though Santa will come tonight to bring toys to children, for us Santa came last Friday in the form of Dr. Mark Galantowicz. He doesn't wear a red suit, but instead he wears a white coat. 

Dr. G has been Knox's surgeon from the beginning, and there is no one I would rather operating on my child. He is a world renown pediatric heart surgeon and transplant surgeon. He is a tall, kind, and gentle man who has a way of putting you at ease. I, of course have been a nervous wreck and a straight up hot mess leaving my child at the operating door. But every time Dr. G comes to talk to us before a surgery somehow my worry about the actual surgery is calmed. He knows what he is doing and he has the upmost confidence in your child. He is so humble and genuine. We really can't say enough good things about him other than we are so thankful God chose him to led us through this. There is no way we can ever thank him enough.  He truly gave us the most wonderful gift we will ever receive - a fixed heart. 

Of course we are still here recovering. It is  wonderful to know we are here together and Knox is doing well, but it's still hard to be away from our home for Christmas. To not be doing the normal Christmas things. BUT we have our tree and stockings up in our room, and we read Twas the Night Before Christmas. Though our Christmas Eve meal came from the hospital cafeteria we still shared it with mom, dad, Knox, Drew, and our family of nurses. 

A few photos from our night... Merry Christmas everyone! 

Across the Squirrel

If you followed our journey at our first visit to Nationwide Children's Hospital you may have heard something about a squirrel. 

The fourth floor's mascot is the squirrel. He is a large statue that separates the CTICU  from the step down unit. To move  "across the squirrel" means to move to the step down unit. 

They have been trying to send us across the squirrel since Saturday. Knox did awesome post op the night after surgery, but his recovery to move has been a little slower 

 

But today they let us loose. Though we are still taking some medications and are still working through some issues he is doing well enough to move. We have been in the surgical bay in the CTICU so we are happy to have a private room. 

Knox is starting to return to his old self and has been flashing some smiles today. 

We don't know when we will be able to go home yet, but it's always nice to know when you are one step closer. 

Day 2

Today is Day 2.  

             Morning of surgery

As most of you know on Friday Knox had his second open heart surgery. It was the longest 7 hours of my life. It was hard to sit there and wait. They didn't end up having to replace any valves at this time. They just repaired. The surgeon said it couldn't have gone more perfectly. 

We met Knox up in our old stomping grounds, the CTICU. Knox did great the first night, and they were already taking about moving us across the squirrel. 

BUT in true Knox Hatmaker style it just couldn't be that easy. We have had a few hiccups the last two days that have landed us to still be residing in the CTICU. NONE of them have to do with his heart. The heart looks great. (Insert insanely happy smile).  I don't mind being over here though because we are surrounded by old and new friends that are taking great care of our little peanut. Everything going on is pretty normal post op things around a surgery of this magnitude. His body just needs a little more time to recover. With the wonderful news we received from his surgeon, I don't care if he makes me sit here for 20 days. 

He is slowly becoming his old self. We even got a smile out of him this morning. Thank you again for all your texts, prayers, Facebook photos, and ridiculously amazing Knox Tshirt photos. 

We love you all From the bay in H4b! 

It's time

Well.... it certainly has been awhile. As I look back the last time I blogged was in July. Ouch.

Now its December. And Knox is 9 months old. When did that happen? He is such a little man and we love him so. He wants to touch everything and then put it in his mouth! Sometimes its hard to remember how our adventure with Knox began, but its always there. Looming in the back of your mind. When its time to head back to Columbus for phase two of Knox's congenital heart defect journey.

Merry Christmas, its time.

We knew it was coming. Every three weeks we would go to our cardiology appointment just kind of waiting for the word. We are still sitting pretty good because his numbers are still good, thus its not an emergency. Its just necessary.

So, next Wednesday we will load our family up for Columbus. This is the first time Knox will actually ride to Columbus out of womb. We will have all of our pre-op tests on Thursday, and then on Friday, December 19th Knox will have his second open heart surgery. They say if all goes well recovery usually is 5 to 7 days; which means we are likely spending our second holiday at Nationwide Children's Hospital.  I told Knox, like the Easter bunny, I'm sure Santa can find him.

This time will be hard and it will be different for Drew and I. Not that it wasn't hard the first time because it definitely was, but its different. When Knox was born he was a little baby who we didn't know. We hadn't cuddled. When hadn't spent late nights and early mornings together. We hadn't travelled to 14 states together, met Santa, and attended numerous cattle sales. This time it is our little man; who is wiggly and active. Please say a prayer for our strength through all of this.

But here is where I ask for a favor. Many of you wonderful people bought Knox shirts this summer. I ask that on Friday, December 19th you wear your Knox shirt for strength and support of our little guy.   Take a photo and tag it to Drew or I on Facebook so that we can make an album for Knox to see in the future of all the wonderful support he received. Of course, we also hope that you will keep Knox and his doctors, nurses, and team in your prayers.

If you don't have a shirt and would like one, there are still some available. Contact me to get one.

I will go back to updating this blog during our stay at Nationwide as I can.