Favorite things

Someone is growing in the Hatmaker house! We are almost tipping the scale over 8 pounds! It's hard to believe! 

Here is one of my favorite things about our growing little guy. He smiles a lot. Mornings are the best to catch a few, but we smile throughout the day. 

Today Knox was awake for most of the day until after lunch. He was cranky, but you could tell he was getting tired. After our 3 o'clock feeding he started to dose off. I went to lay him down beside me on the bed, but he started to cry. So I spent my entire afternoon holding him in our bed while he napped. It was quite wonderful. Drew said he was spoiled , but I said one day he wouldn't want me to hold him like this. So I was taking advantage of it while I can. 

One of thing Knox likes to do is take selfies with his mom! Please ignore my nastiness. Apparently it becomes difficult to find time to showe when you have a baby! 

Only 2 more days to buy your Knox Tshirt from the Booster campaign! We are getting so close to our goal of 150 shirts. Proceeds go to Knox Hatmaker and The Heart Center at Nationwide. 

www.booster.com/knoxhatmaker

What's up with Knox?

I have been lacking on the blog posts because we have been busy at home learning our new routine with Knox. Plus he has a very busy social life at only 2 months old! 

Mothers Day - On Sunday, I was able to celebrate my very first Mother's Day with my two boys, my mom, and some family. I was definitely spoiled for my first Mother's Day by my family especially my two boys. They gave me a beautiful ring with Knox's birthstone.  Knox even ordered my favorite flowers. When I asked how he knew my favorite flower, Drew said that was between Knox and Granny. 

Knox's first sheep sale - Knox enjoyed his first sheep sale in Eaton, Ohio last week. We went up to watch Emily sell a few of her Natural Coloreds. Plus it allowed us to use our stroller for the very first time! I really liked it! I see a lot of walks in our future. Lucy (the lamb in the background) was very curious of Knox's stroller. Knox slept through the entire sale. We enjoyed seeing some friends that have been following Knox's story on here and Facebook.

2 Months Old - On May 7th, Knox turned 2 months old! We met our pediatrician for the first time the next day, and had our 2 month shots. Knox barely cried. Those shots were nothing compared to what he has been through. We've seen the cardiologist twice and the pediatrician once since we've been home. Everyone is happy with his progress and his growth. We are now over 7 pounds!

Meeting Laure - Laure Schadler was my midwife that was caring for Knox and I before we found the heart defect. I had to go in for my check up, and we knew she would love to meet Knox. We hated leaving Laure when they sent us to Columbus. She had taken such good care of us. 

Newborn Photos - Though we were a little late we finally had our newborn photos taken. Knox did awesome for our favorite photographer Kelsey Malicote of Malicote Photography. She took some amazing photos that captured our little cutie pie! I'm in love with them all. 

Shirts for Knox - Last, but certainly not least; my best friend Lauren has organized a fundraiser for Knox. Because I wanted to help others, not just us half of the money will go to The Heart Center. The Heart Center was great to us while we were at Nationwide. If you would like to purchase a t-shirt, you can buy one for $20 here. 

Becoming a "mom"

As today is Mother's Day I have been reflecting upon my two months of motherhood.

Throughout your life and definitely throughout your pregnancy you think about how it will be to be a mother.  The moment you find out your pregnant,  hear the heart beat the first time, and meet your child are just a few milestones you long for.

Obviously my path to motherhood hasn't been the regular road like most mothers experience. Well it was until week 29, and then all hell broke lose. Our world was turned upside down. I, then began questioning myself - did I do something wrong, was something my fault, what could I have done differently? Though I knew things weren't my fault I couldn't help but blame myself. When Knox was forced to come early because of my preeclampsia issues, I felt like it was my fault that he was so small and early.

When they delivered Knox and whisked him away to the NICU I barely even got to see him. After a little bit of time they took him to Nationwide Children's Hospital to begin his care for his heart. I was left at my delivery hospital. Drew went with Knox to the children's hospital and our families went to get sleep. My aunt stayed with me, but there I was stuck at the hospital. I had just delivered a baby, but there was no baby in sight. I was a mom, but it sure didn't feel like it. The nurses were ready for me to begin pumping, but at that moment I had no emotional attachment to what had gone on. I just felt alone.

My first day as a mother progressed. Because of the preeclampsia I was confined to bed rest. I was in a rut. I was husband-less, child-less, depressed, and angry. Our families visited Knox at the hospital. Now everyone had seen him, had photos with him, and I hadn't even gotten to hold him. They all talked about him, and all I wanted to do was cry. I was angry at the world. This wasn't how this was suppose to go. This wasn't how every mother dreamed of spending her first day. A mother should be doing kangaroo care, taking pictures of their new family, and welcoming visitors. I didn't feel like a mother.

The following day I was finally allowed to meet Knox for the first time at Nationwide. The wonderful nurse even let me hold him for the first time. I had a son. The three of us were a family.

I won't lie that for the next few days/weeks I continued to struggle. I was scared for what Knox was going through. In my heart I could feel the tug of my heart strings as he had bad days, and had procedures. I knew that I loved that little boy hooked to all the wires and monitors, but I still didn't feel like his mom.

Little moments started happening as Knox progressed that began to pull me out of my hole. I changed his diaper for the first time. I helped with his chest cold care. But the day I got to hold him skin to skin, my world changed. Doctors and nurses asked me questions instead of just telling me things to know. I was a mom. I was Knox's mom.

As I look back now I know that all the worrying I did meant that I WAS a MOM. It just wasn't the typical road women go down to become a mom. I hope that going through all that, and what we will continue to go through in the future will help me be a better, stronger mom for Knox.

So Happy Mother's Day to all your wonderful moms out there. I am blessed to have joined the club and be celebrating my first Mother's Day with my little man.

First Cattle Sale

First off, thank you to everyone for the calls/texts/cards since the three of us arrived home. It has been weird getting adjusted to life at home with a baby, but we are all getting into a routine. 

We didn't let the grass grow under us too long after we arrived home last Wednesday. We loaded Knox up and room off to our sale last weekend. Before you freak out the doctors at Nationwide ok'ed our trip. They told us to take him and treat him like a real baby (wait, he is a real baby!?). 

Not only was it one of our larger sales, but we  (and when I saw we I am including Knox) had our own cattle selling in it. 

Knox, mom, and I hung out at the hotel on Thursday, and then we had some mommy and Knox time on Friday. First time being alone just me and him. I successfully learned how to do things with a baby around - like going to the bathroom! We even tried our hand at going out to a restaurant with Knox. My dad just came saying, "we are out to eat with Knox." After living in a hospital since he was born it felt weird to go out and do regular things. 

Everyone was very surprised and excited to see Knox. He did great and enjoyed his first sale. 

With his new friend Bella

Steve and Knox were comparing scars! 

Not only was it great to get out and show off our baby, but it was great to get back to normal. I told Drew that it made me feel like myself again. It was great to get back to work and know that Knox was just in the office. 

Now we are home for awhile and just trying to adjust to life with a baby. A baby that will be two months old soon! Ah! 

#306457

Knox would like to announce that he is one of the newest and youngest members of the American Junior Simmental Association! 

As we were sifting through the massive amount of mail we have accumulated I came upon a large envelope. I recognized the return address and opened the envelope. What I saw brought me to tears. 

As most of you know the beef cattle industry and the Simmental breed had and always will be a huge part of my life. Being a member of the AJSA gave me a lot of opportunities to grow myself and help lead other junior members. It has taught me so much and because of it I have met some of my best friends and my husband. 

I look forward to being able to share that with Knox. 

So when I opened that envelope to find an AJSA membership certificate with Knox's name and his very own membership number from some of our dearest friends, I became very emotional. 

So thank you Phillips families- Chan, Tonga, Morgan, AK, Keith, Lindsay, Josie, and Wyatt for giving Knox one of the greatest gifts. I hope you know how much this means to Drew and I. I can't wait to be able to share the AJSA with Knox. 

Homeward Bound......

.......The Incredible Journey.....

Well I guess the cat is out of the bag! I am writing this from our house! We are HOME! 

On Monday they began the discussion of going home. We, of course, were very excited but you also have to be very cautious because at any time they can take it away. So we didn't want to get anyone's hopes up. 

Drew, Knox, and I left Columbus this morning with a packed down car and one baby of our own. We said we felt like we had stolen him. Life outside of the hospital, Columbus, and heck, just normal life has been very foreign to us.

You can imagine that I was a barrel of nerves. SO excited to go home but so nervous that we were going to be three hours away from Nationwide Children's. 

I can tell you that as we left the city of Columbus I never looked back. As I stepped back in my own home with my own things (after the initial overwhelm$ I felt this huge sigh of relief. A relief I haven't felt since all my pregnancy complications began and continuing into Knox's life. 

As you can see from the photos we got a very warm welcome. Knox has a wonderful yard card from Bluegrass Greetings and his grannies were here to greet him and his Auntie Salena. Not far behind was my aunt and Knox's Franny and my cousin's daughter Grace. Even Aunt LaLoon showed up which was a great surprise. Our wonderful neighbors also came by for a visit.

As you might remember it has been since February since we had seen our house. All of our family has been so wonderful to get things together, clean, organize, and plan for our arrival. There is no way we will ever be able to thank everyone enough. 

It's amazing to be home. Like we for real had a baby and get to keep it. Not just like hanging out in the hospital and maybe get to take him home. I would be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that had been terrified that this day would never come, but it has and I am overwhelmed with love, happiness, and relief. We know there will come a time when we must make the trek back to Columbus, but for now... We are home and that is a beautiful thing. 

Giving

In the spirit of Easter weekend I thought I would do a post dedicated to some of the wonderful organizations that have gave to our family and Knox while we have been at Nationwide Children's hospital.

Brynlee's Baskets

The other day we walked in to our room to find that an Easter bunny had came to visit Knox a few days early. There was this wonderful basket put together with toys appropriate for infant/toddlers. Brynlee is a little girl who delivers Easter baskets to children throughout the hospital. This year through donations there were able to deliver 60 baskets. I posted our picture of Knox with his basket on their Facebook page. If you would like to learn more or give click here. 

The Lauren Faith Miller Foundation 

This foundation was formed in honor of a little girl who lost her life to a congenital heart defect at the age of 3. In February, which is Congenital heart defect month, they made tshirts and sold them through booster.com. I have seen the shirt several times as nurses wear them, but sadly I can't get my hand on one. On the day of Knox's first heart cath we received an envelope from the foundation with hospital gift cards in it that are good for any food or gift shop in the hospital. Around the holidays they also furnish a catered meal for families in the CTICU; which I thought was very thoughtful. If you would like to learn more or give to their foundation click here. 

Project Linus

A few days after we moved over to the step down unit we came in to find two handmade blankets for Knox. One was a crib blanket which fits nicely over the boring hospital sheet in the cribs, and the other was a lap blanket. Project Linus gives blankets to patients in children's hospitals. There are different chapters of the organization all over the U.S. If you would like to learn more about Project Linus click here. 

A few days after we received our blankets I found out that the AJSA Junior Board had selected Project Linus as their service project and would be donating blankets at the junior nationals to the hospital in Louisville. I immediately dialed up Hannah Wine to tell her that Knox had been a recipient of Project Linus. Knox will be donating a blanket to the AJSA's cause in July. If you would like to learn more about what the AJSA is doing click here. 

When you sit at the hospital day after day it is simple gestures of love and support that you greatly appreciate. All of these organizations will be getting donations in the future from us. It's the least we can do for all they do.