The Reason

Dr. Cottrill (Knox's cardiologist) told us sometime ago that she writes Knox's name in the prayer book at her church. That book is prayed over several times throughout the week. But it wasn't until our return visit after Knox's second open heart surgery that Dr. Cottrill told me that after our initial meeting back on February 13, 2014 - she prayed for me.  I was a WRECK. They had just confirmed my worse fear that something was wrong with my baby. They were sending us off to another state to have our baby. She told me that she would take care of my baby upon return, but what she didn't say was she was scared too. She said that when she gets scared; she prays. And that day she prayed for me and my baby. 

I think Dr. cottrill is a saint, and like Dr. G I feel like she was placed in our life and Knox's life for a reason. 

One of the only ways you can cope with all this is to believe it all happens for a reason. That we were all suppose to go through this for some reason. 

I have learned that congenital heart defects (CHDs) are like a community. Families need support and sometimes others just don't get what you are going through. After Knox's first surgery I emersed myself in Facebook groups for CHD. I read about others stories, and even found other members of our Nationwide Children's Hospital. It wasn't until October that I finally felt my reason. My best friend Salena told me her preacher and his wife had a newborn who after a pulse ox test was diagnosed with a CHD. I immediately asked for their email and reached out to them. I needed them to know they weren't alone. I felt God leading me to their family and their new little boy. To make a long story short, they saw Dr. Cottrill as well and ended up at Nationwide. He is doing well. 

Just recently the wonderful world of Facebook led me to a blog written by a young lady who was apart of my FFA story. Her pregnancy sounded a lot like mine met with preeclampsia. We messaged back and forth, and I shared my story with her and hopefully words of encouragement. Sometimes I think it's just nice for someone to know all the medical stuff you are going through without having to explain it. Her baby was born at 28 weeks and unfortuntately now they have found a CHD. My heart ached for her as they prepare for surgery tomorrow. 

Where am I going with all this? Like it or not, this is our story. This is my story. And if sharing my experiences, knowledge (or lack there of), and emotions helps someone get through a trying time than it makes it all a bit easier to understand. As we sometimes wander why we are put in situations; I realize now that God has put my family through this experience with Knox so that I can hopefully lend support to other moms finding themselves surrounded by medical talk, doctors, monitors, and hospitals. 

Dr. Cottrill prayed for me. I feel like it's not fitting if I pray for the moms who were scared just like me.